Billy Crocker

Thoughts on Deconversion, Religion, Humanism, Marriage, and Parenting

I come to you with a sincere heart, an open, and clear mind. I want to make sure that I am being honest with all of you about what I believe. I know that many of you came to know me as the “preacher” of the Christian Bible, and I am not that man any longer. I do not want to be deceitful or ask any of you to continue to be involved in my life if this makes you uncomfortable. I know that for many, this will not come as a surprise, but by definition I would now consider myself an atheist. I know how many of you feel about your faith, and so I do not want to take this letter to dismiss your faith, but to simply exclaim that I do not find any evidence for the existence of any God, much less, the Christian God.

There will be, no doubt, many who will try and explain away this decision. There will be many who will decide that I must have never been genuinely saved to begin with, which is not true at all. There will be many who will explain that maybe I simply had a misunderstanding of my faith, I am afraid this is not true either. I am not hurt, I am not angry, I am not being selfish, I am not “cold”, I do not “hate God”, I am not choosing to not believe because I am wanting to ignore morality. I simply find no evidence of God. This is not a season, this is not something that will pass. I did not arrive to this point overnight. I have been having these doubts for a very long time, but only recently started becoming more confident of what I believe to the point of sharing my thoughts. I am remaining, and hope to always remain open to the ability to believe in God, if he would show evidence of his existence. I would love for the “doubting Thomas” experience to be mine. If Jesus appeared to me and let me touch his nail pierced hands I would believe. However, I am not going to hold my breath for that to happen.

You may wonder why I feel a need to share this with anyone. I would simply present to you the same question, but in reverse. Why do you feel it necessary to share that you are a Christian? Why do you find it necessary to share bible verses every day on your social media? Why do you find it necessary to suggest that the most important thing about a person is that they believe in God, specifically the Christian God? I have already been hurt however. Not by my lack of belief in God, but instead in people who were my family that in a very Christian way, chose to tell me they do not ever want to see my “fucking face” ever again. That certainly hurt. I have been hurt by my “family” suggesting that my children are in danger because I do not believe in the same God they do, and even worse, support black people. I am not worried about hell, because I do not believe in hell (which ironically a lot of Christians do not either). The reason I have to tell people is because I am a reason that many believe in God. My wife was not a fundamental Christian until she met me. She believed in God, even the Christian God, but she was not fundamental in her beliefs. I, on the other hand, was very fundamental. Frustrated that my fellow Christians could not get more serious about their faith. Wanting, so desperately to convince these people to stop giving into worldly temptations and give “everything” over to God. These Christians of “little faith” annoyed me to no end. All that I could think about were the lukewarm believers that are mentioned in the bible. I could not understand how these people could be so comfortable with their lives of sin, and still coming into church every week to not change a thing.

Where I am at now, I realize that the reason a person could do that, is because none of it is true. This is not why it is not true, just simply one of the many evidences that it is not. I still find reason for living, after all if this is the only life I have, I absolutely want to make it count. I have not changed, I still have a desire to preach the “truth”. Which is why I must continue to share, continue to speak, and continue to write. I want others to know that they are not alone in their doubts, and if they could rescue themselves from the burden that is the fundamental Christian cult then that would be great. I love you all, and I hope that you all can know that I am sincerely sorry if I have hurt any of you. I am now the “Atheist Preacher”. If this is not something you can listen to, or be a part of, I understand, but it does make me sad. It lets me know how shallow our friendship was. It lets me know that outside of my Christian faith that I once held, you cared nothing for me as an individual. For what it is worth, I would love to continue to be your friend, and know how life is going. Thank you for reading, and participating in my life. You all have shaped me into who I am today, and while I know some may take that as an insult, I mean it as a compliment.

Sincerely,

Billy Crocker

The Atheist Preacher

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6 thoughts on “Dear Friends and Family,

  1. Lea Ann says:

    Billy,
    I am sorry you are not respected for you right of free speech. I think it is important to be respected despite differences.

  2. Erin says:

    Its a very interesting read, and of course you know it isnt what I believe, but i dont disagree with all you’re points i think alot of people become obessed with tradition rather than the word. Or with personal upbringing you know, the “well momma and daddy say-ers”. I beleive there are a lot of luke warm Christians and it is harder and harder to tell a difference. I beleive it has a huge impact on people not being able to see christians reflect the image of Christ (because so many dont try). I will still pray for you, but again its because of my beliefs that I do this. And of course, please understand i do still enjoy your friendship and your reads.

  3. Jeanette says:

    Wow Billy Crocker, I am just so saddened by your choice to not believe in God and most importantly his son Jesus. Your atheist posts and sayings are beyond offensive. I have always loved you and tried to help you in your struggles with PTSD and even though I am very disappointed in your choice to leave your faith, still very much care for you. I’m afraid you don’t understand the consequences of the possiblitly of leading others away from believing in God. You see he is VERY REAL, and your arrogance of thinking you know scripture so well, you should look up the scripture which says you would be better to tie a rock around your neck and to be cast into the sea then to lead astray one of his children. I want to believe that your life did show that you knew Jesus and if that is true then you will not be able to continue to live this way and God not chastise you. He is your Heavenly Father and as we would discipline our children when they do wrong he will do the same. If you don’t feel that chastisement then it’s not because he doesn’t exist it’s because you are not saved and then you do have something to worry about because there is a hell. He didn’t create hell for those he loves, but for Satan , but we have free will and we make our choice as to who we believe in, but mark my words Billy you WILL see one or the other when you die. God is VERY real as is SATAN and HELL. If this offends you then so be it !!! It’s the truth!!! You need to tread lightly concerning your posts. God can and will reveal himself to you and you need to learn some reverential fear of the God who created you.
    Sincerely written with motherly love for a boy I once knew who loved God and Jesus with his whole Heart. I will be here for you whenever your ready to face the real truth!!! Love always Ms Jeanette

  4. Eve says:

    “These Christians of “little faith” annoyed me to no end. All that I could think about were the lukewarm believers that are mentioned in the bible. I could not understand how these people could be so comfortable with their lives of sin, and still coming into church every week to not change a thing.”

    The above quote is the part of your post that resonated with me the most. I spent part of this past weekend thinking about the things that seem to bother people the most. Giving a lot of thought to this, it seems that we, as humans, are the most put-off by the actions of others when we see ourselves, in one way or another, in their behavior. These are inevitably behaviors, thoughts, or actions we display, with or without being cognizant of them.

    I am an atheist. I haven’t always been. I believe I came to this conclusion through a combination of being a thinking individual, seeing the atrocities that go on regularly in the name of “religion”, and believing that religion is just another control mechanism to keep people under control. For an independent thinker, religion has some glaringly obvious gaps and holes that flat-out do not make any sense at all. Though not a fan of Sigmund Freud, his statement “Christianity is a crutch for those who cannot deal with the finality of death.” hit me like a sledgehammer to the head. That alone did not cause me to not believe. I don’t think it is fair to lay blame on anyone for those who lose their faith (or never had it to begin with). Most of us have the capacity to be independent thinkers.

    I just read the previous reply to your post. That was hurtful. NONE of us truly know the truth. There is no way to know. I am, like you, open minded to the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, I truly know very little about anything. If there is a God and that God made itself known to me, I would probably change my tune. I don’t see that happening any time soon. The fact that religion can make people VERY closed-minded is shown in its full splendor above.

    As society/humanity evolves, we are seeing a great reduction in the amount of fallacies and fairy-tales used to explain what is not (at the current time) explainable. Human beings, by nature, question everything. They, as evidenced by commonly held beliefs throughout history, need a reason for everything. If there isn’t one, they will make one up. To me, religion is a very convenient fallacy. It plays deeply into human emotions (which reduces the ability to reason), feeds into guilt, promotes shame and control.

    That being said, I still have respect for the beliefs of others. If their unshakable belief in their religion gives them comfort and does not cause harm to others, live and let live.

    1. Thank you for your comment, it is very much appreciated. Like you, I don’t want someone’s religion to harm others. As you say though, it it brings them comfort then fine. The comment before yours is actually from the Pastors wife of my home church that I started attending when I was only 13. I am now 30, so I have a long relationship with them all. I was not shocked by her comments, although they did hurt. This is, though, wholeheartedly what she, and many in fundamental Christian sects believe.

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